An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
