nut hugger
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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