i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
