Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
