we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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