I think I died a long time ago.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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