i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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