phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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