I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize