i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
