Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
