i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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