i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
