the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
