I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
