the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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