So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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