i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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