i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
