I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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