I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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