i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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