ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
