thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
