They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
