How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
