this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize