yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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