Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm passing your future prison.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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