Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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