I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize