I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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