i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
