remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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