I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
