I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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