You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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