I look better un-naked...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
