ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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