she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
