Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
