I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
