people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
