My nipple is on Facebook.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
