The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize