the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize