I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
