All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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