how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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