You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
