I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
