I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
