I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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