I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
