all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
