can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
