Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
