Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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