Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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