I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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