just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
