It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize